When We Last Left Our Heroine... She Had Gone Seven Days Without Blogging

Monday - July 21
I got tired of being ticketed for not having front plates so I spent some time at the DMV. There, I sat next to a man who gathered I was Filipino by my last name. He then asked me what I did for a living. I replied that I was an unemployed writer who went to Central and South America for almost 3 months and came back to write about it. I noticed, as I recounted the trip, that other Filipinas were looking at me, quietly curious. Then my number was called. I now have new plate numbers to memorize. In the meantime, my recruiter was calling me non-stop about my impending interview with Countrywide tomorrow. We were short one reader for the book reading this Friday so I decided to throw in Room To Improv, Elvin's group, to cover for us. It should be interesting to put together a comedy group to read literature. It's time for all our creative energies converge to help each other. It was going to be interesting.

Tuesday - July 22
I had been getting tips all over the place for the interview. I was nervous. This was the first real interview I had in over a year. I had my Work-Dar™ on to see if this was going to be the place where my heart belonged. I walked into the sea of cubes and my skin crawled in a bad way. Honestly, I felt like I was being turned into Mr.Anderson, Keanu Reeves' Matrix-world persona. I thought I sounded a little nervous but I allowed my bravado to kick in ever so often. Afterward, I called Elvin from Room To Improv for a drop off point for the story they were going to read. While I was looking for a parking space at CSUN, Mr.Karmic Payback and I were talking yet again for the third? time that day. That's the problem between me and him: we both never shut up. We talk the same way too: our conversations go on wild tangents and someone has to return to the original topic to find out what the point was. JoJo A. got copies of the stories.

Wednesday - July 23
Reminder: Thursday between 8 AM - 11 AM is street cleaning day for one side of Mr.God's Revenge's street. Park by the construction site, if you can. Trust can be found within the revolving blades of an electric razor.

Thursday - July 24
Today was FilmLady's 88th birthday. It's going to be her last birthday. On my way down the 101, I quickly popped into the flower shop on Barham to buy her some flowers. She's still at St.Joe's. When I got there, she looked really good. She didn't have any dark circles around her eyes anymore and she was sitting up eating cake with her friends. I was given a slice as she oogled over the red roses I gave her. It felt good to make someone feel nice, especially while on a hospital bed. She was walking around without a walker too. Then one of the hospital volunteers walked in with a guitar and sang FilmLady a song. She sounded really good it made FilmLady cry. She was emotional today, FilmLady, because as I gave her updates on my life, she took my hand, stroked my hair, and nodded. Tears welled in her eyes too. I'm sure it's depressing to think about how young folks like me are living their lives while hers is at the end. I would cry from recollecting my youth too. Today was also the day Alex left. In the back of my mind, I kept on thinking about what Ryan might be feeling at the moment. I can imagine the pain. Heck, I felt it before too, that same kind. It makes me want to hug someone tightly and not let go, but you know you have to...

Friday - July 25
It's the last book reading of the summer. I actually got to the Pacific Asia Museum 10 minutes early. Elvin and the rest of the Room to Improv crew were already there. I thought we were going to get the auditorium but it was nice to have the courtyard instead. I got very nervous because no one from my crew showed up yet. At 15 minutes past showtime, I snuck a call to Mr.Allah's Cosmic Raspberry and he said he got caught in traffic because of a car fire (not his). He said he was going to try to get there as soon as possible. I asked C.Brainard to move me so that folks can catch me. Right after C.Brainard read, Mr.Allah's Cosmic Raspberry showed up, followed soonafter by my mom and Tita Sophie. I read the story, but no, I didn't add the eating guinea pig anectdote. We then signed many books and talked with a whole bunch of people. I even introduced Mr.Karmic Payback to my mom. Later when I came home, she asked, "Anak, where did that Japanese boy go? We said hello and he disappeared (with Filipino accent)."

"Mom, he was helping put away chairs. Besides, I'd run away too if I met you."

My mom then gives me that look of bemused consternation. "Hay naku! Just don't get your heart broken again." she said.

He also got approached by Anthony from Room To Improv.

"You're (his name), right?" Anthony asked.

"Yes." Mr.Karmic Payback replied. "I'm here to watch Paula read."

"I volunteered for (your big, people fly for this, once-a-year event) one year!" Anthony added.

Gee, Mr.Karmic Payback. If you didn't run around wearing your branded polo shirts, people wouldn't point at you all the time. ;)

After the reading, we went to Alhambra to eat. It was weird for me to go to a place where I was only one of many, many Asians. I joked that people were pointing at Mr.Karmic Payback. "I didn't know you were that famous!" Recalling Anthony's comment.

"More like infamous!" he explained.

Great. Just great. If I wanted to keep my life on the low-down, hanging out with Mr.Karmic Payback sure isn't the way to do it. ;)

After some boba, we got to his place in the wee hours of the morning. I had to vend at the Fil-Am Farmer's Market the next day.

Say Goodbye To Hollywood

Saturday was Alex's last real big hurrah in Los Angeles and in typical fashion, it wasn't a quiet dinner.

As everyone piled into the limo, we just cruised our hangouts. It was weird because as we criss-crossed Hollywood in our black limo, we passed by places we hung out in throughout the months: the club where Mike and I first met Alex, the bar where Ryan met Alex during Kat's birthday, the club where we went to celebrate Ryan's birthday. We were short of passing by the strip club on Sunset where we had Alex's birthday party and where I first met Dave. The limo was like a funeral hearse parading through the places that meant something to the deceased. One of the songs in the CD changer was even Eminem's song whose lyrics went "Say Goodbye To Hollywood" or somesuch. So apropos!

So many things happened and if I wrote them all, this entry would be a novel. Not only that, being carsick didn't help my normally "record-on" memory any.

But I have to write about something disturbing that happened...

Around Santa Monica, while the party had been going on and people were riled, we needed to get beer so I bought a case for everyone. I don't drink beer (hint: cocktails only for Paula) so I knew the few sips of caipivodka I drank at Ryan's house was enough to get me buzzed and it was soda city for me from that point on. Since I was the directions girl, I sat at the head of the limo by the driver. There was a liquor store on Fairfax and that's where we stopped. As I wended my way out, passing Mike, Leo, and Nitin, someone took a playful slap at my butt. I quickly stepped out of the limo, peered in and cursed with pure anger in my voice, "Don't fucking touch me! If anyone fucking touches me again, I'll kick your ass!" I then went into the liquor store fuming.

At that point, I didn't know who smacked my ass. I was wearing a black, spagetti-strapped tank top, a short black skirt with a slit on the left thigh, and black knee-high boots. I knew I looked pretty hot and sexy hanging out with my friends. But despite that, it didn't warrant that I can be turned into the group sex doll to be fondled, objectified, and disrespected. Hell, Alex was pretty sexy tooking too wearing a tank-top showing her pierced belly button and tight black pants. I suspected that it was Mike who did it because he's the one who's most comfortable with me. But when I walked back in, beer in hand, I stepped on Mike's toes as retaliation. He yelped and told me that it was Leo who did it.

I gave him a look that could kill him and his descendants.

He apologized profusely and told me that he did it as a joke. A FUCKING JOKE?! I didn't find it funny. That was plain disrespect! I curtly just said "yeah, yeah" to his apology and stopped talking to him after that. I have lost a lot of respect for him that night. Plenty.

As the night wore on, I was wondering if I was getting too old to even do this stuff. I was being hit with thoughts of pragmatism like a wet noodle. Whooping and hollering in a limo should've been something I had done five years ago. My standard excuse is because "I'm playing catch-up". That night, I was thinking my excuse was running thin and even I wasn't believing it.

The next day, I was suppose to go to Little Tokyo for the Tofu Festival but real life interjected at my cousin Katherine's house. No matter, I needed a day to just sit down and relax. Then later that night, Mr.Karmic Match called me and we talked for around three hours.

The Argument Against Tightie Whities

Friday. During the beginning of the day, I lost service on my cell phone. This is the time you appreciate tech support. I got my number through a deal my sister got at work and it almost took them a year to figure out that my sis didn't work at CompUsa anymore and that she shouldn't be receiving service. So when they cut off my service, the first thing I called was Sprint to reactivate it. My mind went through the list of everything my cell phone number was on: resumes, my friends cell phones, promotional material... I was freaked. But after spending an hour with Customer Service, everything was fine, status quo was achieved, and everyone was happy. It takes a lot of work to maintain status quo.

I hadn't seen Alex and Ryan for over a month. I was marinating in my own drama, letting all the wacked flavors soak in, ensuring that the richness of all this bullshit went through my skin to penetrate into my muscles, tenderizing everything.

In her usual fashion, Alex went beyond Artist and Filipino time in lateness.

I got a chance to meet one of Ryan's friends, Michelle, who just came back from a year in Switzerland as an au pair. In the bar, we talked pretty much about everything: sex, drugs, rock and roll, and traveling. I'm beginning to notice a trend with people I've been meeting lately, we all seem to gravitate to folks with wandering feet. I love it.

Afterward, we got to this metal bar in Silverlake where the music was too loud, the rooms too hot, and Michelle and I even got ourselves into an awkward encounter quite accidentally when we went outside to get some air. Some hip-hop guy who didn't appreciate the music brazenly walked up to us and struck up a conversation. He obviously wanted some numbers. But his vibe was wrong and as polite as humanly possible, I let out the "I'm not interested vibe." When Ryan came out of the club with Alex, the guy quickly made an exit. Thank goodness.

Going back to Glendale, we got into the conversation about tightie whities.

Apparently, Alex is not a fan of them. I'm not a fan of them. She called them the Orgasm Interruptor. I call them Man Panties.

We touted the aesthetic pleasantness of boxers and boxer briefs and how guys should also take the time to put some thought in what he thinks girls would like to see them in. They were not tightie whities. Alex said the man panties reminded her of what her dad might wear in the 70s. With a quick flash in my head, I saw snapshots of all the guys I ever found attractive or dated wearing tightie whities, posing proudly. The serial "Eeewww"-ing that replaced my thoughts certainly dampened any libido I already had.

I got home at 3:00 AM after talking some more with Alex.

Kawaii Anime Gal (Me) Meets Her Karmic Match

Buddha, God, Allah, Vishnu, and Bathala have made me the poster girl for karmic payback, I bet. Damn, The Creator has a sense of humor. Y'all know that recently I have been frustrated by my lack of... uhm... nookie but I have been torturing saving myself for my one true love. Really though, life has been throwing me some odd curveballs lately. All I have to say is this: it's summertime and the ice cream flavors all around me are looking really good. Some I even get to sample. 'Nuff said.

Today, I went to Public Storage to have my first interview for the call center. Next week, I have a couple of other non-call center interviews. Afterward, I talked with Nitin about the party for Alex this weekend.

This weekend is the last weekend Alex is going to be in the U.S. She and Ryan have resolved some of their issues and they seem to be fine. However, this Friday and Saturday is Alex's last hurrah and we plan to show her a smashing good time. We're going to rent a limo to take us out in Hollywood with all of our friends.

On Sunday, Katherine and I plan to go to the Tofu Festival in Little Tokyo. Iron Chef Morimoto is going to be there. He rocks! Ichiban!!!

FilmLady Update: She's still in the hospital. More to come as I get news.

Until next time.

In The Process of Dying

Monday was the first day the FilmLady's son and I brought her to St.Joe's for her radiation therapy. It was hard getting her out of bed. We had to take two cars because the son had to go straight to a dental appointment. While I drove her car going down Barham Blvd into Burbank, she said,

"Paula, if I die, please help my son. He'd be panicked and all alone. He'd feel so lost."

"Uhm... Uh. Okay." I replied, genuinely flustered.

What do you say to that? I mean, really?

Every day she gets weaker and weaker. Every day there is a new ailment. She's had stomach pain for a few weeks now. I think the cancer has spread from her lungs to her stomach.

Yesterday, we took her again for the daily radiation treatment. I suggested to the son that she should just do it once a week for the whole day since it seems like this daily thing is just making her very tired. He said he'd consider it.

Her son is a health freak and gives her stuff like Green Magma (I like those things too) and veggie juice. Stuff she hates. But sometimes, I spoil her. FilmLady knows that if she wanted a chocolate milkshake, I'm the one to ask. Besides, I can see it in her dark-lidded eyes. I refuse to deprive someone who's dying whatever they want to eat. That's the last pleasure I'm sure they can enjoy. I refuse to be the one to deny that.

Today I got a call from the son. She wants to be taken to St.Joe's for admittance. If that's the case, they don't need me at home.

When We Last Left Our Heroine...

It's hilarious the kind of dialog that comes out when Walt and I talk. In a recent event regarding living arrangements, Walt scathingly, after I changed my mind to not go through it, said, "That was just the clit talking."

We developed a whole vocabulary about food and sex. Not food with sex. Food and sex. I'm leaving it out of journals because it's funny as fuck and I plan to use it in my novel. After our vocabulary, no one will ever look at side salads the same way again. Never.

I want to go to the Norah Jones concert. But I'm torn. I haven't listened to Norah Jones since January. Before Walt and I left for the trip to Central and South America, we got into a debate about the role of traveling/places/people and music. I told him, I'm not a musical person and I don't usually make that association. I'm a visual person. I'm a smell person too.

Well, I'm wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

I will never listen to A Dios Le Pido by Juanes without thinking Mexico. I will never listen to Shakira's Que Me Quedes Tu without seeing myself sitting at a bakery in Puno, Peru, suffering from the tail end of altitude sickness (Puno, Peru = 3800 METERS above sea level) and thinking how blessed I am sitting there alone in a foreign country conversing with the locals and chewing dried coca leaves.

So I can never think of Norah Jones without thinking about the tail end of last year. It seemed like a million years ago, that time in my life. But it was interesting, to say the least.

ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) Moment: I woke up this morning and this was my first thought - "I know a ton of guys who would love to fuck me but none that I'm interested in who would love to be in a relationship with me. Bastards."

Movies Watched From July 10 - Present:
Iron Monkey
Secretary - Damn... James Spader... Damn... This movie!
Amores Perros
Almost Famous

I Saved The Drama For My Mamma

Let's see. Where to begin...

In the beginning of the week we had drama going on about our dog here at our apartment. The Nazi Apartment Manager wanted to evict us dog owners if we didn't get rid of our dog within 7 days. One of the other owners downstairs apparently wasn't cleaning up after their dog and the best and easiest recourse was to move everyone away who had a dog, lickety-split.

But the best and easiest in this case caused the most trouble so we all ganged up on NAM and made a comprimise. So we're not moving out after all.

I also got an offer to change residences. With much thinking, weighing the pros, cons, and collective gasps of horror, I decided against it. The cons and gasps of horror outweighted the very few pros. Capricorn (practicality) wins.

I had been jobhunting during the time FilmLady was in the hospital. Let's face it, she is going to die. I feel very sad at the thought of it and I am wondering why the FilmLady's son isn't moving her to a hospice instead. But I guess everyone wants to stay at home where they are most comfortable. We shall see where the jobhunt takes me this time...

I hung out and had drinks with Ryan during the week. That was nice. We vented, like we always did when we got together in a bar. We also cooked up a plan to have our own little Wacked Film Fest. We'll whip out everything we had to make sure everyone is nice and impaired and we'll go to town. He's got a big screen. Heehee.

The Friday reading at Brentwood was dismal. Six people showed up. Wow. However, an old friend who I haven't spoken with in two years showed up! Yes! I mean, this dude is pre-artist and pre-blog/diary time! We talked until the wee hours of the morning. In fact, two drinking establishments closed on us while we were talking. So we decided to meet up again on Wednesday to talk some more.

Saturday. I vended in Irvine. I sold and signed nine books. Since I was still suffering from lack of sleep, I ended up being a Saturday night loser and slept early instead. The other option was to hang out and watch Terminator 3 with Mike, Leo, and Susan and to be honest... I don't want to watch any more movies.

Sunday. I went to my cousin Bryan's house. It was Julianne's birthday. The whole family was there and that's always a lot of food.

Movies watched over the week:
Amores Perros
Almost Famous

4th Weekend @ The Dungeon and The Paramedics Come A-Knockin'

For the 4th, I hung out with Mike, Leo, and Susan at Leo's place where we watched Gangs of New York on the hundred incher. Afterward, we watched the fireworks at Hermosa Beach. I picked the spot where we should stand and wait because I had the strongest of gut feelings that we should stay there. I totally insisted too. Lo and behold, my instinct was right because we were directly in front of the barge shooting up fireworks. I mean, a direct beeline. I love my -DARs. They are hardly wrong...

The Dungeon
When I drove to San Francisco last month by myself, that was the weekend Nitin, Ryan, and Alex went to The Dungeon in Hollywood.

Last night (Saturday), I dragged Mike and Nitin there.

Oh! The craziness I saw! Just craziness. The music, a mix of death metal and techno, blared. Girls in underwear and black pasties bent were over benches. Guys in leather and chain mail whipping them. A transgendered woman was harnessed, spinned, and whipped on an X-shaped metal contraption. Everyone was in black and fishnet. But the smoke machine was on high and at around 12:30 AM, my eyes began to burn, my throat was scratchy, and I had a pounding headache that was threatening to make me call it a night. We all left the club around 1:00 AM.

Hello, 911?
It looks like the end is nearing for FilmLady. Today, while I was driving, my cell phone vibrated. It was the admin office that assigns slackers like me to assignments. I got a message that I shouldn't go to FilmLady's house. But of course, by the time I got the message, I was already there.

Her son told me that FilmLady wanted to go to the emergency room at St.Joe's in Burbank. She looked like shit. I mean, she had the look in her eyes that people who will be dying soon has. She's not getting better at all.

So, we called 911. I rode with the son to St.Joe's just to make sure that she got in okay. At around 4:00 PM, I headed home. I'm not going there tomorrow (Tuesday) because the housekeeper will be around. At least I'll be given time to write, fill up employment applications, and read.

Watching Movies Like My Mom
My mom watches movies like you wouldn't believe. I mean, she watches anything on television even if it's annoying Christopher Lowell. But lately, since I've gotten curious about the art behind movies (direction/scripts), I've been watching a lot more than I would like to admit. So I'll list movies I've seen lately as a guide. Suggestions for movies to watch are greatly appreciated. Make no assumptions that I will like chick flicks. I hate chick flicks unless they have artistic merit like Amelie or something. I insist that my movies are in the original language they're made (NO DUBS PERIOD) with subtitles. So far, I like all the films I've seen on DVD, *in the theater on the other hand...

Recently Viewed (past four weeks from latest to earliest):
Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels
Memento
The Animatrix
Gangs of New York
Y Tu Mama Tambien
Minority Report
Real Women Have Curves
*The Hulk
To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar
Punch Drunk Love
Magnolia
Snatch
Adaptation
Spirited Away
Fight Club

A Friend Dies

I'm off from watching FilmLady today because she'll be going to the doctor. That's usually an all day thing. On Monday, she starts radiation therapy. She's dying and every day I'm thinking I should just get reassigned or find myself a real-live tax-paying consulting job for a couple of months somewhere...

However...

INT. FILMLADY'S DINING ROOM - DAY
FilmLady is sitting on a dining room chair facing her cleaning lady/friend Glo. Glo isn't cleaning today but dropping off a small pot of yellow mums with a "get well" stick balloon stuck in the pot. Sunlight filters in from the sheer white curtains behind FilmLady. FilmLady's eyes are baggy and worn.

GLO
How are you feeling, (FilmLady)?

FILMLADY
Not so well. I'm getting depressed and frustrated that I'm not getting well. I just want to get well!

GLO
You will! You will really soon.

FILMLADY
How are you doing? You look very cute with your overalls. Like a little girl. How old are you now?

GLO
Thank you. I'm 29.

FILMLADY
Still no kids, huh?

GLO
No. Me and Hector want to buy a house first after I finish school.

FILMLADY
That's very good. That's a good plan.

GLO
I just wanted to tell you Florence sends her regards. You know George died right?

FILMLADY
George? When did he die?

GLO
Around January. Florence feels very lonely and has been crying a lot. She says she doesn't even want to go out to do anything.

FILMLADY
Oh my! That doesn't sound like Florence at all. George. (Pauses) He loved to dance. He was a great dancer too. When we were both working for Paramount, we used to go to this one empty cutting room and we would dance there. It had a concrete floor you see, and we would turn on the old victrolla, you know, it plays records, and we'd just dance! (Laughs)

GLO
How long have you been friends with him?

FILMLADY
Goodness! That was back in the 40s.

GLO
Wow! Over 50 years!

FILMLADY
(Pensive) And it just seemed like yesterday too...

PAULA listens to the whole conversation while pretending to read her erotica anthology. She sinks deeper into the turquoise cushiony chair.


PAULA
(voice over)
I hate this. So this is what happens to us when we get old. Our friends die on us and the memories you have of them are as fresh as if they just happened yesterday. So all of the words that I have been writing all this time in my various stories and diaries years from now, when I reread them, will smell, taste, feel, and sound just like it was yesterday. And then you hear about them dying through cleaning ladies and health care workers. How lonely that must be! I hate this. I don't want to get old.

FILMLADY
Have you ever danced with him?

GLO
No. But he was trying to teach me in the living room one time before.

FILMLADY
You should've. He was a great dancer.

PAULA gets up from the chair and walks to the kitchen. She fixes herself up a glass of juice and makes a big production out of getting ice from the freezer. It is obvious she doesn't want to hear more of the conversation.

END SCENE.